Better Out Than In: Opening Up

It was winter of second year in college. Winter can be a bleak time as it is.

But I had a difficult experience that really got on top of me – multiple issues, all at once that became really overwhelming.

It started with a friend coming to me to say she had a crush on me. I found it really difficult to have to say that I didn’t have feelings for her. I was really guilty and so afraid of hurting her – she’s my friend, I didn’t want to cause her any kind of pain.

Those feelings really overwhelmed me.  

What I really needed was comfort – I knew that would come from my parents, but I wasn’t out to them. So I couldn’t explain to them what was going on – and that was the worst. Knowing they could be there for me, but not being able to reach out to them. I dropped to the floor and cried for an hour straight. Then got myself to bed, wrapped up in blankets and drank some tea. Found comfort where I could.

I reached out to other friends then. I let them know what was going on, how I was feeling and how overwhelming it had become. We planned to meet up and they arrived with a Squishmallow – a big teddy type pillow – for me, and balloons. They all completely rallied around me. I had no idea that they would respond in this way. It was huge for me having this emotional support. This was the greatest present I have ever received. They understood me, they knew what I needed. Something tactile. Something for comfort.

Through talking to my friends, I didn’t feel as lonely anymore in all my feelings. And I was able to see things more clearly and objectively. And I didn’t need to feel these things on my own. I had people there for me.

It was talking to my friends that helped me process the feelings and to feel understood. I will take that lesson with me forever.

This is a story written by an LGBTQ+ young person about a recent experience, as part of the #BetterOutThanIn campaign, sharing how asking for help got her through a difficult time. For support with your mental health, practical resources and helplines, head to the Better Out Than In hub here.